Wedding: 10 things nobody wants to tell you

Read this in: German

Some of you probably already have noticed: I am married since 2016 by a civil registry, for various reasons, we got married at the beginning of the month ecclesiastical. So we had two wedding parties or, as predicted for a wedding trend for 2020: We had 2 Microweddings, so down to earth celebrations without flower wall or ballroom. Nevertheless, one should not underestimate the organizational effort of a wedding even with only 40 or 50 guests.

And today I want to openly talk to you about things that do not fit the happy-go-lucky bridal picture in our society. Here’s a bit of real talk about all the things that you really do not have down on, when planning a wedding ….

After all, you can of course contribute to your wedding planning, but also try to take responsibility. Photo by Katharina Hanna Lena

First, let someone else plan

In my circle of acquaintances, of course, I am not the only one who has since married. Many brides think they can do it – in addition to studying, working alongside everyday life or children, to organize such a wedding. Or help friends or the witnesses. Yes, what I have partly experienced is that friendships and interpersonal relationships have suffered at the organization. Therefore, let’s help or perhaps outsource the whole planning right from the beginning: If you want a dream wedding with a big budget, do not sting your wedding planner. Because you pay a wedding planner to do a good job and organize a wedding according to your ideas. That makes the relationship much easier than with a friend.

Second, it will be different

We all know this stereotypical image of Bridezilla, which is freaking out because she did not get the roses in the right color and admitted: we find it somehow entertaining. But you put yourself as a bride or groom in such a situation and the catering is not working or important guests drop out at short notice or the photographer comes too late, then this is really sometimes a small end of the world. Such a wedding is an emotional matter. One decides to share with man the rest of his life one loves. And of course you want to create perfect conditions for an unforgettable day.

Therefore, my advice: Do not be perfectionist, because everything never goes as planned anyway. And you will not remember after weeks, months and years of the great arrangements, but the speech or preaching, your first dance and the congratulations and great people and conversations. So stay cool when something goes wrong and in case of emergency someone will have their SLR when the photographer comes too late.

Third, keep your distance

Find something to balance, because it comes to a lot of stress on you. Not just by organizing the wedding. No, many will complain too. The invitation has no way to go, how can you marry when this festival or concert is? You are much criticized as a bride and groom and can never please everyone. If people do not come to your wedding because they have appointments elsewhere, that’s a pity, but not an end of the world. It counts the people who are there on your big day.

That’s why it helps to do yoga or anything meditative – something where you do not have to think about the wedding and get your head off. Especially the last days before the wedding are stress and overwork, doubts and tears. Not because cold feet were involved with me, no, I was just overwhelmed by the flood of information. In 2016, I learned from it for this year and took my rest time just before the wedding, retired, worked for myself and listened to music, just so as not to get into a stressful mood. And this tip is not just for the bridal couple, but for all those who contribute something organizational.

Photo corners, hands-on activities for guests – all these elements can add variety to the wedding program, but you should still be careful with the dosage.

Fourth, that could be funny …

Funny actions and ideas are only funny if they are used sparingly. Otherwise, at some point, the wedding will be strange, if the joke never ignites or your humor is more specific nature. Of course, we ourselves are caught in this trap, that one or the other program element did not ignite. Therefore: Get feedback and input from your families, the wedding planner or friends and look for a balanced mix.

Fifth: The Wedding Night

Do you still have a romantic idea of the wedding night these days? Butter with the fish: You spend the wedding night mostly drunk or really finished. Because this day and also the days directly in front of you stress, make you ready and take you emotionally. Anyone who has a good wedding night afterwards will deserve my utmost respect. Of course, it’s not impossible, but you should have realistic ideas about it.

Sixth: Calculate a nest egg

You spend more and more at a wedding than planned, honestly. That’s the way it is, no matter what the budget is. Depending on your budget so easily 10% or 20% more. So remember, if you plan your budget. Because finances and weddings are a difficult business. Personally, I always find it sweet how my father came to me and raved about the good old days, where you just had a hall wedding Opn Dorp or Opn Diek in the restaurant at the local marina and the whole village mitfeierte and money for the buffet in a small chest to make everyone’s contribution. Today, this is no longer conceivable, but perhaps a trend that is growing in terms of microwedding in the coming years again. A wedding as a regional gathering of a diverse group of people, not just friends and relatives, but maybe also with neighborhood and its regional environment.

Seventh: remember, it’s YOUR WEDDING!

At the beginning I already talked about negative feedback from your guests. Yes, you can not please everyone. But it can also happen that someone wants to make your wedding the wedding he or she never had. For example, my mother always wanted me to wear a dream of tulle other than her. This is something I can do well for a photo shoot or instafotos, but a bride dressed like a fluffy cupcake, that’s not me. So, at the beginning of the year, I had a bridal dress fitting with my mother and husband, and she saw for herself that the clothes were all a dream, but that was not me. And so we decided to have an outfit made for me, that I can sustainably wear after the wedding.

So no matter who wants to talk to you in organizational matters: There you really should not despair and maybe even make clear announcements. Being a bit Bridezilla for healthy selfishness is sometimes not so bad.

Eighth: clarify and then invite

We can agree on this point in the article: Such a wedding is an emotional affair. And it is stressful. At a wedding, you may see different people from different stages of life, and before you distribute an invitation, you should first seek the conversation, if there are any issues left unclear.

In case of doubt, it is always better not to have issued an invitation than to withdraw an invitation already made. From experience you also like to forget sometimes this or that person or has doubts, whether this kind of celebration someone likes or as a precaution no invitation pronounces … Yes, you sit at this topic for a long time. Sometimes friends are on a different stage of life not as present as, for example, school friends after graduation. It goes to different cities or countries and when does one have time to meet or communicate at all? A few years later, you may also have some friends who were really good friends, but at the moment, nothing holds you together anymore than the past.

Whether frenemies or mates with Crush on you, free to Elsa: let it go? Consider well, if really every school friend must be there and if you have such good contact with this or that person that he should be part of this great day.

Little Reminder: The day of the day is about your partner and you. You should be celebrated, so guests can take care of your wishes.

Ninth, you can not make everyone happy

After the civil marriage in 2016 I was frankly a pile of misery. I had finished myself because I had not talked enough to everyone. And that’s why I want to give you along the way: whoever talks to you and how much time you spend with people around you is an absolute lottery on your big day. My husband then helped a lot this year just to do what he enjoys. Just do not stare at what other people’s expectations might put you. This fear is usually only in your own head, because your guests are aware that this is a busy and stressful day for you and are certainly not angry, if you do not have too much time for in-depth discussions.

Instead, you should be targeted to go to the people you want to talk to. Or these people come to you. Finally, you will be happy about every guest. And if you still feel that this or that came too short, is of course still the opportunity, then to meet in a private setting and then have time to chat in peace. After all, at a wedding, the newlyweds celebrate, so it should be possible for the guests to comply with the wishes of the bride and groom.

Tenth: mobile phone out of hand at the wedding

During my ecclesiastical marriage, my maid of honor had the mobile phone, then the photographer, then it was lying around most of the time. Please do not mess up your big day with looks in the social media world. The phone can also stay away on the day. The world does not go down when you make a little detox – it’s going to happen enough that day anyway, so you should not worry about Likes or Instastories. It is much nicer to be in the moment. You don’t need to reply questions about your last Montenegro trip if you are on your big day.